So, because I'm one of "those" fans, I read Madonnalicious a few times a week, and today they had an interview with her personal trainer, who's pushing some dance aerobics program she's developed. In the interview, she says this:

"My exercise philosophy is based on ten years of research I conducted to develop my own fitness method, which involves re-engineering the muscular structure to be tighter and then getting the skin as tight to the muscle as possible. The main principle of my method is the strategic sequences of choreography that I have designed to constantly target the accessory muscles and not overdevelop the large muscles."

In case anyone's wondering, when she says she's "re-engineering the muscle structure to be tighter" (I'm sure she spent some time developing that phrase) she wants you to hear that you're going to get super-defined muscles, but you WON'T, you definitely WON'T, get "big" and (gasp) unfeminine.

When she talks about "getting the skin as tight to the muscle as possible", she means doing cardio and decreasing your calorie intake until you have lost every ounce of body fat possible.

And the line about not overdeveloping the large muscles is another reassurance that there will be no growing or getting larger of any kind. No, your body will stay "thin and feminine." (Her phrase from another part of the interview.)

There are also several reassurances throughout the interview that she disagrees with a lot of what other trainers are pushing, that her system is new and different and the best, and it will make you look like Madonna.

Bullshit, I say.

What she's pushing are the same reassurances that (almost) every other trainer pushes. You must fit into this ideal to be desirable, to be perfect, to be feminine. THIS is what feminine looks like, and if you pay me I'll teach you how to get there. It is totally within your grasp, as long as you are dedicated enough/strong enough/rich enough/focused enough.

Don't get me wrong. From what I can see about what she's saying about her techniques, there's nothing wrong with them. She's talking about cross-training (doing varied types of exercise to hit different muscle groups) and this is a good thing and helps people get a more well-rounded workout, hitting different muscle groups and decreasing the chance of injury. What pisses me off is the language she's using to sell those techniques, and I get why she does it -- it works. I've done it too, in the past, although I think I'd choke on my own tongue before I did it now.

Also? Madonna exercises three hours a day. Maybe some call that dedication, but in real person terms, it's called obsession. She doesn't let herself have a day off, ever, and I suspect there's something inside driving her that that most of us wouldn't want to live with. As much as I more or less consider Madonna to be my lord and saviour, and I will buy her albums with the last penny in my bank account, I would not ever want to be her. In this one way, at least, I think I'm more evolved than she is -- I can live with myself the way I am, and not only like it, but be thrilled about it.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the gym -- because it's good for me, because it's good for the baby, and because my body feels better when I move.